Date With Destiny | Sneak Peek at Tony Robbins’ Most Intimate Event Tony Robbins

Welcome back to the Tony Robbins podcast I’m in New York editorial director for Robbins Research International in This final part of the conversation between Tony and investing legend Ray Dalio. The tables are turned this time it’s ray asking Tony about his guiding principles in life what values drive his actions and behavior what his ultimate mission in life is and Why he believes the ability to make decisions is the single most important element for success So once again, here’s Tony Robbins and Ray Dalio Tony I’m so excited about the fact that I’m gonna learn something about your principles because you know, we agree Yes that one of the most Important gifts that anybody can give each other or give the world is those principles so people can compare it. Yes and I think that you pay more attention to principles than almost anybody that I know when they’ve got better principles And it’s very important to be clear on those. But before we get to the principles The values that are behind the principles of the most important thing I agree so I’m curious Today, what are you going after? What do you value most? Why are you doing this? Well, I’ve always been driven by love I love people I love life, but I Impact as what I’m after is, how can I have more impact? I’ve been obsessed with it my entire life How can I I think it came out of the factory that I grew up in a pretty tough environment? I had a mom that absolutely loved me. I’m the oldest of three, but she was crazy She you know used alcohol to a extreme and she used prescription drugs and in those states. She was very abusive She smashed my head against the wall tie blood. I never talked about this till one day I was actually with a group of young kids Who are all abused and I tried to tell them you’re not defined by your past your biographies Not your destiny I could see in this tall white guy who’s you know doing well financially that he couldn’t relate so I told him the whole story My mom pulling liquid soap down my throat till I threw up She thought I was lying when I wasn’t and when the person you love most is trying to hurt you and yet you know They love you, too. It’s quite a in your head. So the suffering made me want I hate suffering I want to light everybody else. I possibly can. It’s never gone away. And but it also made me a practical psychologist I didn’t have time to analyze her entire past. I had to figure out what her triggers were I had to figure out what her needs where I had to figure out how to manage her so my brother and sister didn’t get hurt and so If I had if my mom had been the mother I’ve wanted I wouldn’t be the man I’m proud to be I developed those skills really early on Primarily to figure how to manage her and then gradually I could help other people because I had to manage so many challenging things I learned from you that The thing that one goes after in life yes is a Say it in your words. It’s the reflection of What was it the thing that you didn’t have? Times, you know often what you’re driven by is what was missing right why you hunger for is what was missing? You know if I have deep appreciation Of all the options and Freedoms I have in this life today because I didn’t have those growing up And so I never take it for granted if everything is given to you Obviously, you know, you don’t hunger for that you hunger for something else So I think early on I really just wanted safety and security for those I loved I grew up in a very poor environment financially and I thought all my my mom was married for different men And she always talked about how they couldn’t support her family had no money for food I mean the reason I feed I’m gonna feed a billion people I fed 300 million in the last three years alone is Because somebody fed my family when I was 11 years old, so I know what that feels like. I know that gave me Hope I know it wasn’t the food. It was the fact that strangers care And so I I swore I was gonna do that for others. I was 11 when this happened So when I was 17 I’ve had two families than forth and got to a million people and now it’s a hundred million people here So people have problems we all do Subconsciously knowing what makes us tick because it’s lower consciousness is awareness eyes What is the universal principle that you might give along those lines? Is it that that thing that you’re missing into your childhood? What is it? that is mostly a good cue a good key to what might be the thing that is in our each of our Subconscious will give us one. I know none of them either But I think that the quarry is our model, you know, we’re born and wide-open You can be anything as a child, right? You can Scream yell throw your stuff go to the bath in your pants and you’re stuffed right try that when you’re thirty See if it works for you, right but as time goes by, you know You learn that you have to be a certain way in order to have that Significance now to live to love to survive a baby has to be physically loved. Otherwise they get what’s called failure to thrive syndrome So we learn how to adapt we learn either by what someone does Explicitly or implicitly we make it up and we learned that it’s not so wide open I’ve got to be some people are taught you have to be the best You have to be smart or you have to always mind or or some people find that you know, they can’t be anything So they get really angry when you’re growing up the source of what I always ask people this question Whose love? Did you crave the most growing up, you know the area yearsö and then I find out who was it for you? Who crave this love? I’m sure you love them both whose loves you crave the most your mother I think my dad’s yes and was it a little more scarce? Yes. Yes, which is why you craved it And so who did you have to be for your father to have his respect and okay So there you’re going with it with example. Okay, so I had to be strong. Yes Right, I’d be successful. That’s what else I have to be. I don’t know I Had to have good character. Yes. Do you have those three things even today I strive for that you do So you just did what I asked you to do this you gave the formula. Yes It’s because once I know what that formula is now, here’s the piece for everybody you get it What a beautiful example right in here right now Yes, if anybody takes what it is of theirs and answers those questions They’re going to learn something about What is motivating them and why and that’s better than the freedom to start to update that? Okay, because otherwise, you’re running somebody else’s life still and you don’t even realize you’ve been doing them for so many years So maybe it’s time to open up like I’m very proud. My mother was the source for me he’s Crazy as it was I still loved her the most right? I would do anything for her died for a crate fried became all these things for I had to be successful I to be smart. I had to be quiet and be proud and I defined the answers I figured all those things out later in life. I added other choices to my life So it wasn’t only that I’m really grateful for the things that came out of there But you have to understand what formed you and then you have to decide. What do you want today? Because otherwise, you’re just a condition being right? That’s why I started with. What do you want? Yes, okay Because your values are going to be the things that will determine the principles that you need to achieve That right. So now I know what you want you want it have impact you want to change people’s lives You want to make them less miserable and my mom nice, except you want to possible, right? Okay, the growls and the strategies don’t get real So the principles that you need are the ones that are going to make that happen. That’s correct One of the things that’s unique about you is that you’re not just thinking about your own principles to make those things happen You have had so much contact with different people who have all different kinds of lives and are going after all different things Yes, and you are thinking what are the principles that they should have regardless of necessarily what they’re going at? I’m also trying to acquire the best principles for those who figured it out because use two ways to learn by your own experience which you and I both know is quite painful and can very slow or you can learn to learn by other people’s experience and compress decades and today so You know when I wrote money master the game, that’s how you and I first met I know you listen to my stuff before but I knew you were I’d never met you it was cuz I wanted to get your Principles and you were so kind you just give me the principles you gave me the strategies you built out of those principles You know, so what? We’re talking about you know, and okay, so now tell me what are your principles that you think are most valuable gosh have so many Life in life, I’d say the most important thing is to me is love is everything I believe every day of my life I want to be a blessing in life of anybody I mean, I know it sounds corny But it’s really true for me. And what that means to me is how can I help it’s like I believe principals need Habits, or they need rituals or they need systems or you use algorithms in order to make sure those principles are applied Otherwise, they’re just lofty belief systems that you throw up on the wall. I want to measure it I want to see what’s really there. And so for me, I’m always saying that you’re meant for me. I didn’t intend to reality I’m gonna note the measurement. You gotta measure outcome All right, you teach the same guy we both operate same way but what I’m looking at is like if the question I asked how can I help and it gives me such joy to help and it’s like I know what fulfills me I always tell people one of my most important principles is How do you create an extraordinary life which to me is life on your terms. It’s not my terms for my life It’s my terms. Like what do you really want? And then what does it take? And I think it takes two principles two skills to master one is the science of achievement How do you take what you envision and make it real and there’s a whole series of principles in that area, right? fundamentally, the first one is just obsessive focus I mean if you put your focus where focus goes energy flows, if you become obsessed if you have enough desire and hunger It’s amazing what your brain can do, but then you also need to take massive effing action Sometimes thinking is enough You can just attract things but not only a massive action but effective execution. And so, how do you get there? well you try anything and change your approach or you can model those that have already done it and Learn quicker and save yourself time and I think the third principle that was is grace Which is some people got what some people call God, I think Recognizing there’s more than you and of acknowledging that. I don’t know I’m not here to lecture anybody about their spiritual outside of their life, but the more grace we acknowledge I think the more we find more of experience Then there’s this master skill of the art of fulfillment and I call it art because it’s a science to making money You know that they’re principals you follow them Fulfillments different what fulfills Ray Dalio what fulfills even barber your wife what fulfills your children fulfills your friends? Could be different than many different ways, but you got to know what fulfills you and while it’s unique for everybody, you know Steve one my dear friend and he shows me this painting paid eighty seven million dollars for it’s a Rothko and as a dude, It’s a red square I’m not making fun because I don’t have a sophistication. He knows what every stroke means. He tells me No, you know the story he committed suicide it better be his blood 487 come on, but it lights him up Everybody’s lit up by something different, but ultimately You’ve got to grow or you’re not gonna be a pie always tell people the one key to happiness is progress Progress equals happens if you don’t grow you’re not happy doesn’t matter how much you earn how many people love you how many beautiful kids? You are and then we grow so you have something to give the reason you wrote this book the reason this what you’re doing at this stage of your life right now same as me is you’ve really figured out there’s only so Joy can have within yourself how much love or joy or money or children? Whatever it is? Most of us will all be selfish in moments But if the beauty of human beings is when they have a great experience The first thing I do is share with somebody they love and that To me makes me proud to be human and so getting people to grow and getting people to contribute so they feel fulfilled not just achieve I mean, what’s much more I tell people it’s much more rare than a billionaire and they’re very rare as you well know You know, there’s there’s five new ones this year that show up here, you know about every month Now the bottom line is somebody who’s happy every damn day when it doesn’t go their way Somebody is fulfilled somebody who’s finds a way to serve and so those are principles for me But I you know, I’ve learned principles to my original teacher Jim Rohn You know four things get better I get to get better four needs to change I got a change, you know, that focus is simplistic is on a hundred percent responsibility, but my whole life is principals it’s Finding people that best find me principals and using that as a shortcut to help people to get where they really want to go That’s really what my focus is. I Was trying to count the number of principles that you just gave me. I was I was at something like 22 23 in there, right and you know, and I’m clicking the Add more value if there’s anything I’m trying to teach people in life and in business both If you can do more for others than anybody else is doing you will never have to worry about your own life You’ll have a meaningful life, you know, not every moment is happy in this life But if you’re happy all the time your face hurts, we need meaning, you know, we need a sense of purpose we need that life is larger than ourselves that we’re serving something and I think if your focus is Obsessive about how do I do more for others than anybody else in business and in life? you’ll never have to worry about there are so many things in those principles that I also was clicking off of the things that are my principles and that I think are also very successful a lot of successful people’s principles and and like I have a saying dreams Plus embracing reality plus Determination equals a successful life. Yes this is just like you’re saying essentially that determination and you will figure it out and I and when you just did a soliloquy that Nailed, I don’t know 25. I don’t know some principles and we’ve got to go back. I’d like you – tell me what you were going to tell me before can you? About decision-making. Yeah, I just think we want things we’ve all shares I think that one of my principles is the quality your life is not your conditions at your decisions and That in any moment of time you can change your whole life by a new decision. That’s the power that we forget We have a decision that’s real when you act on if you just make it in your head then it’s a preference but a decision is like incision you cut off any possibilities Like I tell people you want to take the island burn the boats as long as there’s no way to go back you move up The thing I’d say is you only have to do two things to are successful in life. You have to make the right decisions I know what that and have the courage to make it and then the question is how to get the right Decisions quicker faster better. So I’ll tell you how I do it. I give it an example. I got a phone call from then George senior Bush George HW Bush Herbert Walker Bush Calls me up and this is right after the end of the Cold War and he says Tony I just like to talk to you for a couple nights And science conversation. He says listen, you know now that we’ve seen the fall of the wall and fall of communism He said we’ve decided put a hundred people together discuss for three days. Where do we go from here? How do we help to shape the world’s values on a positive way going forward? He says we have president meteor on Maggie Thatcher Myself, mr. Gorbachev, and you’ve been invited as one of the people I was 31 years old only Wow, like this blew my mind Well said, can you come he told me do it so I didn’t look at my calendar course. I’m coming I’m in right So he says well Were you gonna be a before so I hope my calendar and I see I’m gonna be in New York and he says well It’s this was in, Colorado Springs he said well, mr Gorbachev in New York, you know Would you be willing to fly him there? Because now that’s no longer the Soviet Union. They don’t take care of him And so I leave took me point zero zero one seconds figure out I’m a student of history I mean do I get to spend four hours picking the brain of other guys that ended the Cold War? Oh, I meant about change, but I want to know what made that happen So I said of course I’m in so I said do you mind would I be able to pass me by who’s the joke? Who’s on the other? And so I said, so I said I’d do it So I hang up the phone tell I’m gonna do it and then I get a phone call later that day From my partners in the infomercial business, and I never want to be infomercial business But I didn’t have a distribution channel to reach people So I did it and it got me President Clinton and all kinds of people is that added value? So I have to shoot another show I should these once a year and you know It’s worth about ten million dollars to my partners and I and my partners have found a person who’s I know and she’s a great Lady and she’s used my stuff and she’s gonna be the host. And so we had a date. It’s the same days I’m supposed to fly to feed you do an infomercial Versus sit down with Gorbachev meet Iran Maggie Thatcher and find out how to shake the world So I said to look guys I can’t do it I’m doing this thing with these guys They said no. No you already agreed to it my staff hadn’t put on my calendar yet and they said there is no other dates for this is the only Opening she has these four days. I’m like, I can’t do this They said Tony would put the lawsuit will this and that’ll hurt you’ll hurt our brand hurt the thing So I have the phone. What do you do? I gotta make a decision So I believe decision-making number one needs to be done on paper or on your computer It needs to be done in writing. It’s too much in your head Secondly decision making is just value clarification. Well, you know, what’s most important you can make the decision So what makes it hard you usually have multiple outcomes you’re trying to get and it’s sometimes hard to get all of them You don’t know the priority So your mind one moment goes I want that and this is what I’ll do So I created the six step process really simple for your viewers oo CEM are o What are your outcomes in order to make a decision? You got to know what you’re after? What do you want? But precisely what you want, but usually want multiple things when it’s a hard decision So you got to put them in the order of importance So my number one is I want to learn what changed the world because I can take that knowledge and help millions of people That’s what my brain works. Right? I want that experience. You know, I want my kids I have a group of kids that I sponsor in college education I want to show them they didn’t approach into a five minute video interviewing. Mr. Berbatov They get to coach them these kids on what to do with their lives. How cool is that? Yeah, I got to make the infomercial and I’m grateful It helps me reach millions of people so I want to do that, too But I’m putting the order I went through my whole list now Once I’ve done the outcomes in order now, I gotta look what my options are All right, so I start writing my options down. Okay. Well my first option is Cancel the infomercial and deal with whatever happens and just go do this which is what my emotion wants me to do Right. My second one option is don’t do the don’t go to this thing Apologize and I got to do the infomercial because I’m committed it’s gonna cost 10 million bucks It’s gotta be two three million dollar lawsuit. It’s gonna upset my partner’s not fair to them. I Third I don’t like either one of us. My third option is I Didn’t know how to play at that time. I’ll charter a plane for him So I at least keep my word and provide the plane for mr Gorbachev that felt right to me, but it didn’t make me happy in terms of my learning capacity So I’m glad eating all these down. So I’ve got outcomes and I got options now we go to see consequences So now I I do a little graphing and each one I go. Okay, if I do this, what’s the upside? What’s the downside and The upside if I do this thing, I’ll learn tools that can change the world You know, my my brain the downside is I’m going to piss off everybody of a lawsuit lose Brandon. Not very acceptable What’s the upside the other? Oh, well, everybody’s happy to get the thing done But I miss out on this opportunity to learn so you get the picture Oh Oh see now I go the second part EMR ears evaluate I can evaluate the probability of those upsides and downsides Because you can make yourself not make a decision go what if this happens, but what’s the probability? Minus 10 to +10 minus 10 is the worst pain plus 10 is the positive and I evaluate these things My time, I’m done. I start realizing I can’t not do the infomercial and I can’t in my gut not go do this So now you go to the M mitigate and I look at and go Okay, how can I mitigate the downsides and long story short? And I finally came up with okay? I have four days to shoot this thing. It’s the same four days of this event I have to go from New York to LA and then get on a commercial flight to go overseas so I have to go to LA anyway, so what if I pick up Gorbachev and I take him to the dinner and I spend four hours finding out how he ended the Cold War and his perspective at least and Then I have dinner and then I get on the plane and I go on and I’ll still have met everybody I’ll still have gotten the history of it and I’ll get on the plane Well, then I find out there is no plane. If I do it that way, that’ll get me to Fiji So I dig around further so there’s got to be a law what other country can I get to? So I finally get to New Zealand and I get another one of it so long story short I figure it out and when it’s all done I said listen I can do this in two days have this host be there of a beautiful time for those first two days off Widens Eiland after I do all this I’ll jump that 90 minutes. I’ll jump I’ll take my gear I’ll run like a crazy man for 30 minutes. I’ll shower and get dressed. I’ll get on there I’ll land a seaplane at my Island I’ll Walk up there already up filming and I’ll sit down and film a thing and I’ll get it done in two days and I did All the above I got everything done. The last part is you resolve. I resolve what they do I resolve that’s what I’m gonna do. So now I get this great plan. It’s all looks really good I get to go meet Gorbachev. I didn’t know a jet at those days I used to charter like little Lear Jets, right? I need his whole team I need a Gulfstream pretty big investment 40 grand for this thing But I say to them can I film like this 5 or 10-minute interview with him? Yes 20 cars pull up Gorbachev gets off He’s making some noise to understand what he’s doing and he waves it Willy from the cameras and walked straight up on the plane without Even talking to me and I look at the guy who was coordinating. I said, we’re gonna do the scene. He goes. No No, he’s got a head can’t do this right now, and he can’t talk my entire thing He’s got his eyes were closed by my colleague and his wife they’re Sorry, I think how do I get his attention while most men you know who are very strong, you know? We’ll probably if I get her talking about something disagrees with my bet. He’ll chime in in some way That was my whole strategy. So I asked them all about the fall So the Ian herb the fall of Soviet not him what it’s like in Russia now, I understand. They’re not taking care of him Sure enough he snaps in So once I got him engaged I said to him I said mr. Gorbachev I just want ask you one questions my only request for this whole flight. I want to know what ended the Cold War He looks at me and tears interpreter I could see in his eyes He understood English much more there is letting on right so you could see his bossing But the guy we went through the formalities and he came back and he gave me a standardized answer It was obviously the answer a million times, but it was interesting. He said it was the end of demonization he said You know you all knew that were the evil empire we’re new or evil as well When we ended that kind of belief structure, which is what we’re dealing with today in our own country He said we were able to make agreements and change things. Okay. I said I want to know the moment it ended I wonder no in your mind the moment it ended I’d really like to know that moment in history because you’re the thing. They did it along with mr. Reagan present Reagan He said no one’s asked me that question before I said, well, I wouldn’t ask you Think about that I said, well you got four hours and won’t be here So finally he pauses for a moment I’ll never forget this moment He all said and he opens his eyes and he starts laughing uncontrollably I mean like like he was drunk snack in his show his leg like this he goes I will tell you sister in Russian throat because he said there was a moment. He said mr Reagan was lecturing me on the evils of Communism and I told him you are not my teacher and I am not your student. You will not lecture me And so I lectured him on the evils of capitalism and he said I was getting more and more anger I could feel my face burning. I was so angry and all of a sudden he said pressure he gets stood up looked at me and said this is not working and Turned and walked away three steps been flipped around with a big smile on his face and said, can we start fresh? My name is Ron How can I call you, Mikhail? And I starts laughing like you are right now and he goes you have to love the guy. He said this is a man I could do business with and he said he Reagan also he knew that Gorbachev loved children and their evil empire and he brought these American children over let Gorbachev escort them first I think was like a week or 10 days and he said it just we developed this incredible relationship All that came cuz I could make an effective decision because I assist them and I’ve used that system I’ve made decisions that had negative consequences But we’ve built in mitigation for them so every one of my companies I really believe the growth we’ve gone from little 1,500 our companies this year will break six billion across my 33 companies nothing of your accountably but it’s grown and it’s all Because we use group decision-making. We use our best minds we mitigate those downsides and we come up with our best options it isn’t always the right answer but it’s the best answer we come up with that time and if it’s Doesn’t work we step back in and make a new decision. But I found I believe decision-making is the most important element to success That’s the whole thing. We’re saying earlier, you know successes result the good judgment you make good decisions You succeed the judgments result of experience. Hopefully as time goes by through your experiences you learn more I try to learn by other people’s experiences, but often experience comes from you know, bad judgment you made mistakes That you and I share right those skins on You succeed your party when you fail you ponderin and that pondering usually come up with principles or inside The challenging puzzle of trying to take those principles and seeing if we can make an algorithm out of it, yes Can you imagine if we can make it I want to do that you have put in an app that I want to do that for people so they can have kind of Intervention therapists, but not a therapist but where they can do it for their self in the library. I think we can do that I think so, too I think I’m just beginning to coordinate those and I’m looking for the right people the AI are you can help me of that area Because I think I could provide leverage when I’m gone quite frankly I hope to be here very long time, but what I’m going on what the impact occurred well we’ve developed a technology which we call the coach and the way the coach works is that anytime you have a Question a problem you type into the coach what your problem is and then it directs you to Relevant principles and I’ll deal with that a problem because you see if you just have your principles You it’s like a book of principles regard closer on the wall. Most people Use my book as a reference book, and then they’ll go back but no, let’s make it easier Let’s just make it that you type in your questions. Yes, and it gets you to the relevant principles Yes, so maybe I’ll show you what I’m doing The others you create something from the drill public Yes, using the best of our best ideas the best of the best idea you got it. Thank you. Tell me Sam yeah, thank you. Thank you for more on radios principles life and work visit The Tony Robbins podcast is directed and hosted by Tony Robbins And Mary buchheit anti org is our editorial director an occasional host The podcast is produced by Kerry song and tether Culbertson Jamie carvajal and Adriel de la tarde are a digital editors special Thanks to Diane Adcock for her creative review copy, right Robin’s research international

Author Since: Mar 11, 2019

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