Don’t Laugh News Challenge: Very Mad Daddy


(funky music) (news intro) – [Announcer] From west
Hollywood, California the only news team that doesn’t know what’s on the teleprompter
before they read it. Anyone who laughs, or breaks loses points. This is Breaking News. (news intro) – Good evening and
welcome to Breaking News. The show where we don’t
know what we’re about to say and where we’re not
allowed to smile or laugh. I’m Slender Pork Chop. – And my name is Tickles. – Our lead story tonight:
Daddy came back to the today and was very mad. – Daddy said the kitchen was
dirty and Daddy wanted food. – And mad Daddy sure was hungry. – Mad Daddy left to get food. – Mad Daddy like big burger. – Mad Daddy came back with a fat patty. – Mad Daddy ate and went
to sleep on the chair. – If you’ve just joined us, Daddy is mad he ate a burger patty, and is now asleep. We’ll make sure to get
you more Daddy updates as they come in. – Allergy season is back. So if you’re a sneezy little thing remember to avoid those scary flowers. – Bad news for allergy mutants. And now punching you hard
with some sports news it’s Punchy Pete. – That’s right! It’s sports time! I’m Punchy Pete. Peach, Punchy Peach. And I’m Peachy, and punchy. The minor league Farmingdale Penises are facing a team suspension after they were caught
doping with Jelly Belly’s. Coach Penis, who can only speak in the language of the penises defended the team at a press
conference saying, and I quote “Penis penis.” After the statement, Mr.
Penis swayed back and forth and waddles off repeatedly
muttering the P word. And by that, I do mean “penis.” – Sorry to interrupt Punchy but we’re getting an update from the homosexual deer community. – The homosexual deer are bravely protesting forest inequality. – The deer have been lining
up next to the highway and chanting, “We’re here,
we’re queer, we’re deer.” – And now let’s finish
up sports with Punchy. – We turn now to hockey. Ding dong! Who’s there? How about the Boston Bruins. What do they do? Well, they showed up for
dinner and they are hungry. I hope you got meat ’cause
this team will eat it raw and then burn down your house. This is phenomenal team who will piss on the ashes of
your house after they burn it. I predict this year
we’re gonna go turn it up and dance on their own piss taunting you the homeowner of the house. These guys are fierce,
and if you have insurance the whole team will show
up to terrify that you to testify that you burned
down your own house. These guys mean business. They’re going to the top and you’re going to prison
for arson and insurance fraud. Back to you! – Thanks homeslice. A local study on men’s
health recently revealed that police chief Gary has diarrhea. – Sad to hear. Wait, we’re getting an update on Daddy. It seems Daddy is mad again because of the garage
reeks of raccoon piss. – Mad Daddy says “Raccoons are getting
in the pissy garage.” – Mad Daddy called the garage
“A total raccoon piss fest” and went to call animal control. – But on Daddy’s way to the phone he slipped on spilled juice. Mad Daddy stormed out of
the house covered in juice. – That story’s developing. – We’ll keep you up to the minute thanks to Daddy’s daughter,
sweet little Lucy. And now with the celebrity news,
let’s go over to Van Bones. – Thanks. – Folks, he’s a lady’s man but I’m not talking about the Fonz. I’m talking about the
actor who played the Fonz Henry Winkler. Last night Henry and
his longtime wife Stacy cuddled up to their favorite
rom-com Bridget Jone’s Diary. But during the movie we heard there was a
major make out session. Seems like there marriage
is in great shape. In other news, Hollywood power couple Ted Danson and Mary Steenburgen were spotted at Horton’s diner. Allegedly they ordered
a couple of biscuits and they were splitting a
bowl of gravy to dip in. They were both doing crossword puzzles and sometimes they’d look
up at each other and smile. I’ll bet that’s so nice. I think about getting kisses all the time and it makes me smile so
much that I want to cry. A kiss, one kiss would
just be the greatest. And if you’d like to meet me for a soda and maybe some kisses in the
parking lot after the soda please tweet at the station. Back to you! – Thanks Van. And we’ve just gotten word
that after Daddy left the house he accidentally stepped
in a bucket of (beep). – When Daddy came back to the house he had juice on his body
and poop on his foot. Mommy kept asking why
there was a bucket of poop? – Mad Daddy realized how
ridiculous the situation was what with the bucket of
poop, and he started to laugh a big, deep man laugh. Now, he’s glad Daddy. – It’s nice when a story
has a happy ending. That’s all for us today,
but before we go we’ll say that our loser today is David Cyr Kerns. – [Punchy] What? – [Tickles] Thanks for watching! – No, really? – Daddy’s gonna be mad. – Daddy’s gonna be real mad. – Hi. I still don’t know what I’m about to say because I’m a big, stupid idiot. If you like that video, you can go to hell and then you can go to dropout.tv to start your free trial today. For every episode of
Breaking News that’s here there’s another episode only
available on dropout.tv. Until next time I’m Grant O’Brien which is Irish for Grant of Brien.

Author Since: Mar 11, 2019

  1. And on your right, you’ll see the fish who says “My bubbles!”. Oh! And to your left it’s the pufferfish from the same movie, Finding Nemo.

  2. I watch these just for Katie. She's going to be the only person to win this with a positive score.

    PS: Did anyone else die laughing when laughing when Katie raised her finger to her ear for the incoming story about Mad Daddy at 3:03?

  3. It's alarming to have never seen Katie or Brian Huskey lose a point.
    The day they crack a chuckle is a doom prophecy. I give them mad props, but they can make an episode dull always keeping a straight face.

    Laughter and absurd point tallies really make for a good episode:
    One person does well (-5), a couple laugh a lot (-11), and someone can't stay coherent (-24).

    I look forward to these episodes more than anything. It's time I joined Dropout.

  4. You should lose the ticker at the bottom with all their lines on it. It totally distracts from the video and kills the humour, because you can see what they're about to say.

  5. None of the episodes will ever compare to the Grant's Facts episode. Holy shit. This one is funny, but it's a walk in the park compared to that amazingly destructive episode.

  6. Somebody came up with “we’re here, we’re queer, we’re deer” and just really wanted to share it so they made a news story around it for this

  7. …how are the mad daddy or hockey or that benis funny???? Instead of funny, its more like cringey for trying and failing to be funny….

  8. People are afraid of Katie when she doesn't laugh at jokes… Really you should be scared when she does! Then the apocalypse is near!

  9. Katie is a stone cold fox. I'm not sure how she does it, but I have a feeling it's because she may be a sociopath with no human emotions except the ones she chooses to emulate.

  10. Tao: uncontrollably smiles whenever anyone else talks
    Tao: delivers his lines perfectly and doesn't smile once
    Tao just needs to talk more and he would win these no problem.

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