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I Ef You Fours So Hard

I Ef You Fours So Hard

When you have babies… it does start to like,
feel a little bit better. -Yeah
But then they’re old enough But then they’re old enough to make you feel like s***. And that’s all we have today on “Mom’s Corner.” Nothing but a positive stroll through motherhood to inspire you to get an IUD. -Yeah
And… love to travel. That four year old year is… they are just working one muscle. And it’s the f*** off muscle. Can’t spell “four” without “f” and “u.” And they stay with ’em until I think, like, thirty. We’re in ’em right now. -We’re so in ’em
We’re in ’em right now. Feel very small. I told Delilah the other day, ’cause she’s four She’s four which means she’s that old. I was like: “Either you start being nice to me,” “or you see how
miserable your life can get.” Then her cute little face… It’s hard to discipline her. Yeah it’s hard to discipline in general. Mostly ’cause I lack follow through. I’m inconsistent. I told Eleanor, I said: “I…” “am really sad that Grumpy Eleanor” “is the Eleanor that I get to see” “most of the time.” “I want Nice Eleanor back.” “Can Grumpy Eleanor go tell Nice Eleanor” “that I would like her to make an appearance?” And she goes: “Grumpy Eleanor killed Nice Eleanor!” Do her face that she
does when she’s mad at you Then she’ll go: like she’s trying to shake mad, but she’s not really mad, so she adds it on for flourish. Everybody knew that guy in high school too. “Oh look out, he’s gonna blow.” “He’s gonna blow, here he goes.” “Ryan, take it down a notch, I got…” -“Okay, alright.”
“this performance… nailed.” -(sniff) “What?”
“this performance… nailed.” -Yeah
Yeah. Gonna fight somebody? Shut up. Yeah. Jen! Acting like a four year old. I feel like we’re going to submit a new word to the Webster’s Dictionary this year and it’s gonna be the “nobut.” Nobut! Nobut. Yeah. “Hey, uh, guys, I need you to
come to the table for dinner.” “Nobut!” “Nobut, we’re in the middle of…” “playing Uno.” “Nobut, we’re watching Phineas and Ferb.” “Nobut, we’re doing anything else that
we want to except to listen to your requests.” In our house, the constant is: “Sooooooo…” Which means: “I’m about to ask you for something” “you’re absolutely going to say no to” “that I’ve probably just asked you” -That’s so awesome
“that I’ve probably just asked you” They have tells! -“Soooooooooo”
“Soooooooooo” “What if I needed to look at
the iPad to play a song?” “Then it would be okay if
I got back on the iPad?” Okay, okay… “Soooooooo” “what if I eat one more nugget?” “Then can I stay up later?” Basically all I’m doing is pumping Delilah full of beige foods so she
can talk back to me later. Getting her enough energy, just carb-loading her up, so she can talk down to me. It’s the insolence diet. Nuggets and noodles, that’s all that one will… That’s going to be the title of her first book. “Nuggets and Noodles” “and the Woman That Wouldn’t
Let Me Do Anything Fun.” The pediatrician was like: “she’s not a nugget noodle kid, is she?” And I was like: “I don’t know what you mean.” -That pediatrician
“I don’t know what you mean.” needs to take it down a notch. That pediatrician either has an at home cook or has zero kids. You better watch your noodles before I knee you in the nuggets. I’m lucky to get these guys
to eat noodles and nuggets. That’s literally every kid’s
main meal for three years. They’re from Trader Joe’s, okay? So they’re the best of the noodle/nugget world. And sometimes they’re not. Sometimes they’re shaped as dinosaurs ’cause I need an easy win. Those are coated in flaxseed, okay? ‘Cause otherwise… My kids wouldn’t crap. Ever. Ever. We tried to take her skiing. I tried to give them the- Everybody knows that’s a nightmare waiting to happen. Everybody’s just enjoying
to hear your guys’s stories of woe. The second day, I was like: “you have to put your-” “your ski pants on.” “We’re gonna go skiing.”
And she was like: “But I don’t want to ski!” And I go: “Everybody” “is going to be nice,” “and be positive.” And that four year old goes: “I’m positive I don’t want to go skiing.” Whaaaat? She clapped back. Clap back. She clapped it back. My four year old said that to me. I was.. I slunk back in a corner, and was like: “okay.” “Got me there.” It would’ve been easier to
take these kids to the moon than to the side of a mountain to ski, because there’s much less equipment if you’re… You’re 100% right. NASA helps you. But you know what, you did it. And I’m really proud of you ’cause it’s really easy to be like:
“I’m not doing that, that’s hard.” I mean the hard stuff is what… memories are made of and… it’s the weird formula of being a mother. Oh I’m not doing it again. Should we be positive? Okay, I’m positive that I’m not going to have anymore babies.

Author Since: Mar 11, 2019

  1. Lol. My kids are the opposite of noodles and nuggets kids. I'm a foodie and love different foods. They eat more than me. Ever heard of ballut my daughter eats it..

  2. Mine gives me the “Eleven” look from Stranger Things. You know, the one where you’re 89% certain she’s planning your doom.

  3. My four year old will talk to you for 20 seconds, know your deepest insecurity and then comment on it. She destroys me on a daily basis

  4. My kids always said "but, moooom!".
    So I started saying "don't call me ButtMom".
    It kinda worked but mostly it just made me laugh.

  5. Can’t wait to see you guys in slc this spring!

    My kids always ask what’s for dinner (or whatever meal it is), there is a pause after I respond. The start of a disappointed sigh. A look from me, and a deep swallow mid sigh-and a hesitant “sounds good mom”
    Every. Single. Time.

    At least they try to be nice. 😆

  6. I see your 'no but' and raise you a 'but I don't want to' 😂 my 4yo says it to literally everything I ask her to, all day every day, even the things she wants to do or have. I am convinced that the but I don't want to answer is a default setting in every 4 year old 🙄

  7. Mine is four, and when he feels like being good, he is an absolute pleasure to spend time with. But when he decides to dig his heels in, oh boy.

  8. Ladies I hate to break it to you but I do not think it gets better, my child is almost 13 and he is still complaining saying no to doing things. He only eats certain foods. If I suggest doing fun things on vacation he will complain the whole way there and will not admit that he enjoyed himself til after the event. Almosr surprised thst his parents could come up with fun things to do other than playing video games.

  9. My 9 year old said “why don’t you get haircuts.” So I say, “you didn’t notice that I cut off FIVE inches… probably because you don’t really look at me.” He said, yeah, that’s true.” 🙄🙄🙄🙄

  10. "The Insulin-ce/Insolence Diet", was a brilliant throwaway quip that was just passed by with zero appreciation.

  11. My kids are grown but I can still relate to everything you talk about. Love, love love you girls!!! I was a stay at home mom for ten years, it would have been so much easier to go to work some days. I made so many mistakes, but now I realize I did the best I could at the time. And now I have two sons that are awesome grown men. I hear them telling their friends wonderful stories of their childhood. I must of done some things right. Now I get to enjoy two grandchildren that live close by. The best reward a mother can get!

  12. I just watch these videos over and over…you 2 are great! (Have you seen the 2 young Chicks that are trying to be like you?)

  13. I laughed way longer than I should have at the grumpy Eleanor bit xD xD xD You kids are hilarious!
    Also I still do the "Sooooooooo…………." thing to my parents and I'm 21, lol.

  14. That four year old is going to turn into a 13 year old that tells you she's gonna punch you if you try to wake her up one more time. So I played really loud disco just to eff with her. Now we listen to disco for every car ride. Help.

  15. My 4 year old's motto is "I don't want to, that's boring"….. so far I've told him "well, not everything in life is meant to entertain you" "I don't care if it's boring, you must wear a coat outside" and "boring is a you problem, not a me problem. Do it!" I'm running out of responses

  16. I have a four year old and I feel like I have a bipolar terrorist in my house! Everything I mean EVERYTHING is negotiating and half way through the negotiating the deal they change their mind and want something else! Ahhhhhhhh

  17. I can’t wait until my granddaughter turns four. ‘Paybacks are a bitch’ is what I’ll tell my son when he describes the daily challenge to me 😂

  18. Ladies have you thought of doing an “I delouse so hard?” My Head is so f’ing itchy and I have one teenage girl! This is the third time and I’m getting checked tomorrow for $25–the actual process of removal is $100 an HOUR plus all the cleanup nonsense and it’s literally my worst nightmare. Do you have any funny stories or suggestions other than wine (if I drink wine it will help but impart my ability to vacuum, wash all the linens, bag the stuffed animals, etc)…the worst part is she isn’t allergic so she never has symptoms like I do. If I get mine done and she’s not available for a week I would just get it again so I’m literally still awake at 5 am stressing about getting my head checked tomorrow. Advice or a funny story please!! 🙏🏼🙏🏼

  19. You ladies are hilarious! As someone who now mothers an 18 year old and a soon to be 14 year old, both boys, let me tell ya, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet! 😂 But you know what? We all get through it, just as our parents got through us, and one day our kids will be getting through it with their own kids. It’s the joys and pains of parenthood and we are all in this together! Cheers! 🥂 🍻

  20. Man, I so needed you ladies back when I had my kiddo in 2003. The advice, the laughter, the brutal honesty- BRAVO! You two crack me up! Binge watching all your episodes now!

  21. Oh my gosh this!!! I literally told my 4 and 2 year old today, “I just need everyone to be kind and to listen! Is that too much to ask!?!?!?” 😩

    It was. It was too much to ask. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤨

  22. How do you not have more subscribers! You guys are so hilarious and spot on! My 4 year old came from a planet of sass and staredowns. But my gosh, his smile and humor are the best! He is such a sour patch kid, sour, then so sweet!

  23. Your TV special made me laugh a lot, especially when you went through those ladies purses 😂 It is nice to have other moms to commiserate with, especially raising a teenage daughter with my parents and not being able to share the struggles of momming with anyone else. This year fun stuff like driving and starting birth control is the hot topic, so I say with full sarcasm, I totally “got this!”

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