Sloane Rhodes Podcast Ep. 11 ~ Sexual Intimacy

okay hi everybody welcome to the podcast
it is Sloane Rhodes here today I was thinking woven tossing ideas back and
forth on what to talk about today and I kind of have settled on this idea of
sexual intimacy with your partner because it’s you know I do a lot of
tarot card readings as part of my work and one of the more popular topics of
course is love and and romantic love specifically so I thought it would be
fun to talk about it today so you know it often occurs in any kind of long-term
relationship work we’re going along with our partner we’re feeling you know we
fall in love we’re feeling you know everything’s great and then time goes by
and there are moments that are created over time where we begin to feel more
and more of a sense of distance from our partner or it may just be a period of
time either way it’s really not your preference usually to feel distant from
your partner in any way and one of the ways it may show up and often an
indicator of a healthy relationship is in terms of the bedroom
the sexual connection the sexual intimacy and you know I often hear oh he
or she doesn’t do this or he or she doesn’t do that and what begins to
happen and I don’t know is this this idea familiarity breeds contempt but a
lot of times what happens is we start to discount what our partner is saying
whether it be around the idea of sex or whether it just be in terms of your
connection in the home you know one partner will say something and the other
partner will not listen or not respect it it can show up in a multitude of ways
one way it may be an attorney I’m talking more specifically about the
physical intimacy in this podcast that let’s kind of take it there so you know
your partner wants you to do a certain thing say your partner says you know I
really want you to kiss me first for five minutes before we engage in any
other sexual activity or your partner says I really like it when you know you
do this one thing to me and you never do it you know that’s kind of thing and
what begins to happen is when one of the partners will might say well you know
that’s gross oh I want to do it or that’s boring I don’t want to kiss you
for five minutes you know whatever however it plays out it’s you know we
all in have had you either heard of these
scenarios or seen them depict it in shows on in movies or we’ve experienced
them ourselves but what really is underlying this isn’t so much that what
your partner what should you do necessarily is not what you want to do
because really when you are super engaged with your partner you you want
to engage with your partner you want to play in the ways that your partner wants
to play usually of course your there are you know limitations to this there are
there are some boundaries of course but you know it’s important to take into
consideration whether it’s a boundary of yours or whether it’s that you are
disrespecting or discounting the needs of your partner because it may be not so
much that they need you to be in the certain position or need you to do a
certain thing but what they really want is to be heard they really want to have
you respect that that is actually what they want because normally when people
ask for things there’s a reason for it including when you’re in the bedroom and
so even if you’re uncomfortable with it if you can take it back away from your
knee-jerk reaction of a so boring or oh that’s gross or again or or even
feelings of like I don’t know if I can do that I’m not comfortable with that
you know what however it kind of comes in and we’re talking about there’s so
many different ways this can come in but really the underlying message for me to
you here is to listen to your partner rather than discounting what they’re
saying again I cannot stress it enough there’s a reason your partner asked for
the things your partner asked for whether it be in the bedroom or
elsewhere and that’s what you’re being asked to listen for to help strengthen
your bond to your partner because the sexual intimacy is a sort of microcosm
of them the more the larger connection between the two of you and if you’re not
listening to your partner in other ways and then you’re definitely not gonna
listen to your partner in the bedroom it’s going to be different again those
gender issues involve there’s communication styles a lot of different
things but the bottom line is to think to yourself okay what is my partner
really wanting so they’re saying that they want me to engage in this type of
behavior or in something that I’m not comfortable with in the bedroom so first
of all you know are you throwing it in their face and going Oh gross no you
you’re just you know you’re just so horny all the time you want to have sex
every night I don’t want to but really what your partner is wanting to do if
say you’re you know if your partner’s wanting to engage in sexual intercourse
every night and you guys are just on different levels of energy in that way
talk about it say gosh you know I really want to have sex with you every day but
you know right now in this period of my life I’m feeling a level of exhaustion
in other areas how might we come to our compromise here how might I understand
that it’s actually very important to you because when you are rejecting what your
partner is saying no the act itself but a rejection of the energy behind it
which is they want a sense of closeness with you usually that’s often why people
want to engage in sexual intercourse it’s not just for a release although
that’s part of it but it’s also for the connection especially if you are in love
with one another and you’re in a romantic partnership so rather than sort
of off the top of your head being like oh you’re just horny or ooh you know
you’re so boring I don’t want to spend five minutes kissing you guys want to
get right to it because I’m really tired and you know there’s there’s different
ways to play with it and if your partner is saying I’m very very tired it’s also
an opportunity to just say okay what are they really saying what they’re really
saying possibly is um in the larger scheme of this relationship I could use
some support I could use some recognition and acknowledgement of the
work that I’m doing outside of the bedroom that all the different ways in
which I’m supporting our connection in terms of family in terms of you know
work you know however it plays out because there’s always another meaning
between what people say not everyone has the words and the consciousness around
what they’re saying when they say it you know so allow allow for people to kind
of figure it out a lot of times people don’t know what they think or say until
they say it and then they’re like wow I didn’t even realize I was thinking that
you know we’ve all had those experiences as well so what you know something to
think about because it’s so sad to me in so many ways and I see people who are
deeply in love but who are just missing missing the mark when it comes to their
physical intimacy because it’s such a joy joyous
expression of oneness you know and connection to the divine through that
Union and not that every single time has to be like that of course we’re not
always going to feel so connected but when we’re feeling deeply connected to
our partner in the physical act it does deepen our connection to the divine or
has the ability because of the openness between one another and in order to be
open to that type of connection you have to honor and respect the other person
including the things that they are wanting so they even though your partner
says one thing if you can back it into the energy behind that what are they
really sort of asking for maybe not even consciously themselves you know I’m so
tired again could equate to I’m overwhelmed with my responsibilities at
the moment or I need to have sex every night right well maybe they’re saying
I’m feeling overwhelmed as well and I need a release from the stress that I’m
under and then you can have that discussion it’s it’s so personal and so
specific in the moment but you’re really being asked it to listen with a greater
ear when you can of course you know these things are very fluid sometimes
you won’t want to sometimes you will but it is kind of a barometer the sexual
intimacy between the two of you really is a barometer of kind of the general
health of their relationship and sometimes you know you have to work on
some other things outside of the bedroom first to begin to get on the same page
in the bedroom but it’s you know if you are in love with someone and you’re
wanting you know you’re married are you gonna commit a partnership this really
is meant to be not only a priority but also something fun to figure out because
you know when you are giving pleasure or receiving pleasure in that way it’s
super fun and you can feel really really connected and excited again you can you
can reignite the excitement not just in terms of your physical attraction to one
another but in terms of the entire health of the relationship and the
longevity of it so many layers but again really the underlying message you know
the overriding message I guess what I wanted
wanting to kind of talk about today and trying to begin to open the door on and
shed some consciousness around is what is the person really asking for because
often it’s not what they are actually saying and there’s so many different
ways to approach this and this is really just kind of an introduction to this
topic and obviously you know something to think about anyway you know I’m not
suggesting of course at anyone do anything that they’re not comfortable
with it’s always about communication with one
another I’m comfortable with that I’m not comfortable with that okay why am I
not comfortable with that why aren’t you comfortable with that why do you want
that why do you want that not that I’m saying that you have to engage in these
really long drawn-out conversations it’s not not that’s not necessary
it may be necessary sometimes but really in the moment you know you can if you
can sort of into it and ask your part and into it what your partner’s really
wanting then you can even ask the question Wow you know you say you’re too
tired to have sex with me is it because you are feeling overwhelmed is it you
know is there a way that in which I could provide more support for you or
you know and if your partner’s saying I want you to you know get your freak on
more in the bedroom you can say okay so what is it is it are you bored with the
connection because I’m not comfortable doing that particular thing but I want
to you know provide the pleasure that you’re looking for is there you know are
you bored are you trying to live out some sort of fantasy can i fulfill that
fantasy in some other way just different ways to play with the energy and break
it open more so that you don’t get this knee-jerk reaction of oh you’re just
always the issue you’re always that because as soon as you start sort of
discounting what someone says but again whether it be in the bedroom or
somewhere else it’s the slippery slope down to contempt and once you lose
respect and contempt that’s in very very difficult to recover from in a in a
relationship so anyway I hope you find that helpful and at least you know are
intrigued by the by this concept I know many of you operate in this way already
and I’ve already considered you know this but for many of you maybe something
new or something just you’ve forgotten about and maybe something you want to
address again as you move forward so I wish you much love as always and I will
see you on the next podcast or maybe over on
on the YouTube channel or possibly a book an appointment as well of course I
love a love meeting with all my clients okay so bye you

Author Since: Mar 11, 2019

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