The Fear of Intimacy

Nowadays we’re pretty tough on people who have a certain kind of fear. People who are afraid of getting close. People who need to sit alone for quite a long time everyday. People who don’t always find it easy to say what’s on their minds. People who need theirs space. We say these sort of people have got a fear of intimacy. And thats’ not a good thing to have. It can get you in trouble. But criticizing the fear of intimacy doesn’t feel right or very productive at all. We’d be far better off with a different approach. For a start, if someone is scared of something it’s never a great idea just to say they’re silly and that there’s nothing to be worried about. It’s a lot more effective to say: we’re a bit scared too and that it’s actually normal to worry. Then it is a good idea to understand the fear. Where has it come from? There’s almost always a history to someone who is afraid of intimacy. A history where getting close to other people got them hurt so that close place has become a problem. We should also take on board just how much of life is about not being intimate. From an early age we’re taught we need to be strong, indipendent and grave. We need to hide our emotions, not say how we’re feeling. Bottle up what’s going on inside. It is no wonder we sometimes find it hard to change gear, and become masters at the art of intimacy. It’s not surprising if we should get a bit stuck and not quite know what to do with the request to say exactly how we feel. We’ve been out in the world too long. We’re battle hardened and just not used to it. We might need a little time. Let’s go easy on those with a fear of intimacy. They’re not bad people. They just find a difficult thing tricky. And we should be on hand to help them with gentleness and understanding.

Author Since: Mar 11, 2019

  1. In my case, i stopped letting people in because in my childhood days i used to a clingy girl. I know its kinda different i just loved hugs small pecks on the cheeks and all. But then as i grew up the people around me started acting twice their age…i was still a child at mind and they loved to tease me. Now when i changed schools i met new friends who were just like my clingy old version. But now I'm the one who isn't touching them. I feel scared about what they feel. Like as if people will judge me for being touchy or something…and that too with the same gender…

  2. I always find myself loving the idea of being with someone, but then get uncomfortable about the idea of intimacy with them.

  3. I fear relationships. I fear getting attached to anyone. I fear someone I love is going to hurt me 🙁 It's so difficult to not trust anyone 🙁

  4. Is this why I'm such a whore and when I find an equal emotionally and intellectually individual I selfsabotage things by avoiding them? it's tricky to get intimate after being 12 y. o. I'm 21, it is quite a challenging frustrating situation. :/

  5. I'm an introverted man with aspergers, I've got love for my family and close friends, but every notion of romantic love has been nothing but a waste of time, energy, money, and peace of mind. I'm just a man going his own way, I don't view sex or relationships as the ultimate standard of success that society peddles down our throats.

  6. You have to be honest, problem is, honesty isn't valued. And it's used against you, as much as I'd like to tell the truth.

  7. Nice Video clip! Excuse me for the intrusion, I would appreciate your initial thoughts. Have you ever tried – Millawdon Varied Nights Trick (should be on google have a look)? It is an awesome one off product for learning intimate questions to make your relationship stronger without the normal expense. Ive heard some extraordinary things about it and my friend at very last got astronomical results with it.

  8. Nice Video clip! Forgive me for the intrusion, I would love your opinion. Have you tried – Millawdon Varied Nights Trick (probably on Google)? It is a great exclusive product for learning intimate questions to make your relationship stronger minus the hard work. Ive heard some great things about it and my GF at very last got cool results with it.

  9. Nice video content! Sorry for the intrusion, I am interested in your opinion. Have you ever tried – Millawdon Varied Nights Trick (probably on Google)? It is an awesome exclusive product for learning intimate questions to make your relationship stronger minus the normal expense. Ive heard some incredible things about it and my friend at last got cool success with it.

  10. Sometimes I just want to be left alone, then when I’m ready I’ll re-emerge, feeling lighter and a whole lot better to be around.

  11. This is so me ; I don't understand how people can get so close and I always stay far from everyone's business. Sometimes it makes me feel like I shouldn't be on Earth (not in a suicidal meaning, but in a meaning of location ; though I have no idea where I should be if not on Earth). I am less "sociophobic" than I was during childhood, but not enough to appreciate sex though ; I have no idea what kind of partner could be the "right one".

  12. Anyone else begin to cry while watching because you finally hear what you’ve been wondering what was wrong with you your whole life?

  13. I was holding hands with a friend because she grabbed my hand after letting me know My ex broke up with me because I was boring..💔 It made me tear up but after her counsuling me I noticed she did not let go..I kind of liked it then after I said "you like grabbing my hand huh" she said "yeah I guess you can say that"to which I replied "I know it feels good to hold peoples hand" and after like 30 minutes after re aranging and trying different ways of holding hands It felt great but I was over came by an intense fear after of Love I don't know I guess I was really nervous and still am of it becoming anything else. And also that this can cause pain.

  14. I literally am riddled with problems. I have anxiety, hidden depression, Ptsd, fear of intimacy etc. I just don't see much of a future for myself

  15. i have always been put i a position where I'm either forced to feel or not at all. I've got a lot of sadness in my heart and very afraid of intimacy. i feel too exposed.

  16. I just recently found out that my lack of relationships and total unwillingness to get vulnerable is an actual issue. I fear commitment of literally any kind (relationship, job, things). I need to resolve this and make sure I really don't want kids before it's too late.

  17. I also tend to see relationships as inherently conflictual and so it never fails to strike me as a miracle to see a love relationship in which the two live and act in harmony with one another.

  18. My childhood was normal, it was positive. I found an amazing girl worth fighting for, I had a sudden burst of confidence, and just went for it. Then my motivation just started to change. I got terrified, started to overthink, and ended the relationship without a good reason. To this day I still dont understand why I did that. What terrified me so much… I guess it was the fear of intimacy.

  19. I'm not terrified of women but either I don't know whether they like me or not or I do know it but don't know what to do next…

  20. I hate letting people down and not reaching their standards, and, because of that, I never had any emotional or physical relationship with any guy, even though I’ve been approached many times in the past. And I can’t even talk about that with my friends, because I hate showing that I’m vulnerable and weak sometimes. They never saw me cry. My friend actually told me the other day that he loves the fact that I’m always happy. But I’m not. And I just can’t stop acting like that, even if I try.

    Everytime someone starts to like me, even if I do like them back, I push them away, because they start to make me unbelievably uncomfortable. I’ve always liked my best friends crush secretly, and I just found out that he likes me back. And now my best friend is getting involved with some other guy and that scares me, because now I don’t have any excuses as to why I can’t be with the guy I want. This gives me anxiety, I hate thinking about that, I hate thinking about letting someone know me (both mentally and physically) and I don’t even know why. I like who I am, but it scares me that someone might like me too, I don’t wanna feel vulnerable.

  21. Big fan of the narrator.
    Reading aloud insights and wisdom of the human condition, through media that reaches others to reflect on; acquainting herself with the sense of purpose.

  22. These videos are like therapy sessions for me…I understand this all, I just wish the ones I have met, come across or/and know would also.

  23. I’m an introvert and I have terrible social anxiety, in addition to also having an extreme fear of intimacy. I think my parents have just put me through so much that I’m unable to really let others in anymore. When I become an adult I will seek therapy and hopefully that helps.

  24. sometimes I wonder will I ever heal. I'm always introverted they said it's bad and I need to change but I don't know where to start the change. I've been like this for years I wanna change too but it's hard. How am I gonna be someone I'm not.

  25. I just want to say, thank you for this video, it is nice to see these traits being kindly embraced, for a change.
    I think it's good to try to understand and accept such persons as they are.
    We don't have to be perfect.

  26. i’m so lost, my childhood has been very messy and now i’m only 16 but i’ve started to date this guy who is nothing like other teenage boys, he makes me feel safe. i’ve suddenly lost feelings a month in after he asked me to be his girlfriend.. oh dear what do i do

  27. This is why I am single.
    I prefer guys who I am comfortable with and there's only one right now in my life. I will never go on date with guys whom I just met. There's some guy whom I just met, asked me out, and I was so terrified that I completely ignored them. I feel bad but, I'm just too afraid that I can't even sleep at night.

    The guy I like and is comfortable with? I'm afraid to make moves because I don't wanna lose a friend also I'm fear of rejection.

  28. I had a pretty normal childhood. My adult life is what scarred me. Every friendship I’ve had and every relationship I’ve ever been in has ended in betrayal.
    I’ve become a hermit and I hate it but I can’t deal with any more emotional pain.
    Now every time someone asks me to go do something with them I come up with an excuse why I can’t.
    I’d love to tell them the truth about why I can’t but I don’t want sympathy.
    It’s a very lonely life.
    I’m only 35 but I pray for death every night before bed and I’m disappointed when I wake up. Don’t get me wrong I’m not suicidal, I simply don’t have it in me to kill myself but oh how I wish this life would end!

  29. Director: Alright, guys. We need a narrator but we don't even have a coin. anyone have an idea?
    John: we have a candy. and apparently there's a random kid outside the studio..
    Director: …
    John: …
    Director: Dammit John, I'm promoting you.

  30. Thanks for the Video! Excuse me for chiming in, I would appreciate your initial thoughts. Have you researched – Millawdon Varied Nights Trick (do a search on google)? It is a smashing exclusive guide for learning intimate questions to make your relationship stronger minus the normal expense. Ive heard some extraordinary things about it and my GF finally got cool success with it.

  31. I've had a HUUGE crush on a guy before but I keep it to myself for months or even years in the hopes that it'll blow off. I have this fear of relationships and it's not that I've been hurt before or anything. It's just sad😞😞

  32. I have/had fear of intimacy because i was raped when i was a child. I thought there was something wrong with me. I thought i wasn't capable of love, commitment issues, i thought i was OCD because everyone was dirty to touch i thought i was a tease by accident, maybe an a- sexual. I couldn't figure it out till i was 19. I would have crushes on people but ran away as soon as.i found out they liked me too (people thought i was a tease and a flirt and a slut) noone was allowed to touch me, hugs are awkward, eye contact was awkward, people touching my hair was horrible, i hated that girls held hands or did each others make up. Shortly after i figured out what it was, i forced myself to hug my friends, and even their mums, i brushed peoples hair and gave my residents kisses on their forheads, held their hands and stroked their arms (im a healthcare worker) and shortly after i got my first boyfriend. I have tackled the fear of physical intimacy, i have problems with remembering that he needs a comforting cuddle or a kiss, i have no emotional feelings that come with my physical affections that i give people. But i am capable of love and i do it because i love them. My emotional intimacy such as trusting others and letting my guard down is still an issue and i have no idea how to battle that one. But it is possible and overcoming the fear literally took me 3 weeks of forcing myself to give physical intimacy. No more awkwardness. Please take my advice on the forcing yourself, its only awkward for a little while, then it starts getting comfortable, then its actually quite nice. If anyone has advice on emotional intimacy help please let me know. I do have / cause issues with this still.

  33. I want peoples attention but when they actually give me attention I draw back and I’m afraid .One time a guy I know tried to hold me and I somehow got a panic attack I didn’t scream or do something my heart was racing really fast and I was scared I just wanted to disappear in that moment
    I just don’t know what it all means

  34. I finally found a man who i could trust love and feel safe but im having trouble falling asleep with him… i genuinly get nervous sleeping with someone next to me and he is no diferent… im working on it as best as i can. I dont want big fairie tales, big exciting dramas or life or death .adventures.. i want the simple things of life: having a couple of kids be happy have a good job at helping people and lots of learning, and sharing my daily life with my love and my closest friends thats all

  35. Appreciate Video! Apologies for the intrusion, I would love your thoughts. Have you tried – Millawdon Varied Nights Trick (Have a quick look on google cant remember the place now)? It is a smashing exclusive guide for learning intimate questions to make your relationship stronger without the headache. Ive heard some super things about it and my GF after a lifetime of fighting got astronomical success with it.

  36. Great animation , pretty art !
    👏🏻👧🏻👏🏼🙎🏼‍♂️👏🏽🎅🏽👏🏾👳🏾‍♂️👏🏿 👵🏿

  37. I just quit hearing the word intimate..being sensitive it’s hard to handle emotional hurt n hard to overcome. It’s kills other areas of life.. occupies large space n time for me.

  38. I recently ended a 5 years friendship with a lovely, beautiful and smart girl, super cute when she wears her black glasses. It happened so fast and completely unexpected it left me shattered and broken right now. As it turns out my friend has a "Fear of Intimacy", and I only found that out after I read her breakup text to me. I have always suspected she may have a mental health issue like anxiety or bipolar disorder but I never really confront her about these things. I am not entirely sure if she even knows she has these mental health issues. She's always friendly, polite and kind and never raise her voice at me, not once in the 5 years we have known each other. Unlike me. Throughout the years I wanted more than just a friendship, I wanted an intimate relationship. She outright rejected me every time. No kisses, no hugs, no holding hands and told me friendship is all she has to offer. We don't even exchange Christmas presents because it scares her. Recently a third party was trying to divide us apart so he can be with her, he may have succeeded. I highly doubt she wants to be with this guy person, they only recently met through me. He secretly asked her to go to events with him, she may have gone with him. When I confront her about this I yelled at scream at her. I am really ashamed and embarrassed by this and regrets it deeply. I shouldn't have lost my temper. We have known each other for almost 5 years, we went to Vietnam, Japan and Quebec city together for the winter festival. And now we are no longer friends, I am completely heartbroken and fearful that I may never see my lovely and beautiful friend again. What should I do now? Is this over for us? Will there ever be a chance she'll reach out to me in the coming weeks/months? I like to help her and support her and do what I can. I don't want to reach out to her anymore because she's a very timid person, so I don't want to scare or terrify her in any way. Had I known what I know now, I would have been less forceful. I know mental health is a serious issue and it was completely unfair to her, what fool I am. I may have lost the most important person in my life.

  39. Hi all!

    When you know you are loved, you are free to have intimacy. Jeremiah 31: 3 "I have loved you with an everlasting love; with unfailing love I have drawn you to myself."

    “To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God. It is what we need more than anything. It liberates us from pretense, humbles us out of our self-righteousness, and fortifies us for any difficulty life can throw at us.”

  40. Great video. This is me, and on top of everything else I have no compassion for myself either (but I have little trouble demonstrating compassion for others). I also was an introvert as a child and still am quite a lot now. Takes a lot to truly let anyone in, when I also don't see myself as an attractive person…confirmed every time I experience romantic rejection. Have to love myself before can love another they say. But, learning to love myself feels it'd take the rest of my life to achieve. It all hurts very much.

  41. I was asked out by a friend I had kept a secret crush on for 4 years. We “dated” for 8 months. I wanted to be physically affectionate but a pit in my chest opened every time I thought about it. He broke up with me and I agreed calmly that it wasn’t going anywhere. We still chat, but it seems that as soon as someone tries to get close to me in that way, I am filled with such raw fear that I can’t do anything. It sucks.

  42. I LOVE THIS VIDEO. Especially with social media nowadays that makes I easy to hide behind a phone it’s hard to know how to build it. Intimacy is soo important to build real relationships. Thanks for sharing!

  43. Intimacy is nakedness. And the last thing that I want is to be naked in front of you.

    Especially with this body. (Laughing)

  44. This video reminds me of me. Which is why I've never been in a relationship before. Plus growing up, I wasn't shown affection or told I love you. So when people ask me how I feel, it's like I don't know how to respond because I wasn't ever asked any of those questions growing up. My grandmom she tells me she loves me,and I say it back, but sometimes it's hard to, because I was never told I loved you from my mom or dad growing up. So it's hard.

  45. I'm a guy…I have this…it's bad…
    I'm not really "shy" but I always push women away if I sense a potential attraction.

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