What to Do When You’ve Been Friend-Zoned

-Thank you so much
for coming out tonight. I know a lot of you come to
these tapings with your friends. It’s so adorable.
You look so cute. Just by looking around,
I can also tell that some of you have that friend that you wish was your permanently naked
friend. Yeah, that’s right. Which is why tonight we’re
talking about the friend zone! Yeah. These two know
what I’m talking about. You know what I’m talking about. -[ Laughs ]
-Yeah, laugh awkwardly. Okay? [ Laughs ] Now, if you don’t know,
the friend zone is when you’re told someone
would be lucky to date you… by the person
who will never date you. The friend zone
is that awkward limbo between dating and not dating, and the whole time you’re like,
“This isn’t great. How did I get here?
And why can’t I leave?” It’s like Forever 21. It’s like going to a job
interview and being told you have all the qualifications
for the job… but they’re going
in a different direction. And if you don’t know
you’re in the friend zone, I’ll tell you
how you can know, okay? If you’re making a pact
to get married if you’re still single at 40,
you in the friend zone [ Laughter ] And you’re gonna drink way
too much at his wedding, girl. [ Applause ] Wait. Where did the term
“friend zone” even come from? I heard it started with Ross and Rachel’s relationship
on “Friends.” You know what
I’m talking about, right? But I think it goes back even
further, to the Trojan War. Yeah. Right around the time
Helen of Troy told King of Sparta, “Hey, I think we’re
just better as friends. Also, what’s up with
the giant wooden horse?” [ Laughter ]
Hey, you watch this show to laugh, but sometimes
you’re going to learn. Okay? Deal with it! Check this out. This recent study revealed men
are consistently overestimating women’s attraction to them. While women —
I know. Shocker. While women are consistently
underestimating their guy friends’ feelings. So basically women are humble and men are just Drake. [ Laughter ]
I mean, seriously. Serena, Rihanna, Nicki Minaj. Drake has gotten sidelined harder than Lonzo Ball
with the Lakers. You know what I’m talking about? [ Cheers and applause ] There are perks to being
in the friend zone. I mean, you get a friend! That’s someone who can teach you
how to talk to women, how to listen to women, and, more importantly, how to make women think
that you’re listening. It’s very important. Okay? Besides, once you’ve been
in the friend zone, you can’t unsee
what you’ve seen. Think about it. If you watched Amanda
scream at a delivery man, cry during “The Notebook,” and steal toilet paper
from a restaurant, would you still
want to date her? Me. I’m Amanda.
I’m that girl. [ Laughs ] Now, look, there’s a part of me that thinks the whole
“friend zone” thing is a myth. The friend zone
is like a strip club. A dark place invented by men
for men so they can pretend that women
who don’t want them do. [ Laughter ] You liked that, didn’t you? Hashtag relatable. Now, let me tell you a secret. All the guys here,
can I get a show of hands? Raise your hand if you’re a guy.
Cheer real quickly. Cheer. [ Men cheer ] You noticed the testosterone
when I said, “Cheer.” [ Roars ] Let me tell you a little secret. If you want to get out
of the friend zone, just get into a relationship. Because women always want
what they can’t have. It’s true. It’s like, growing up,
I always wanted a talk show, but I couldn’t get one, so I
started going out with YouTube, and suddenly NBC was like,
“Damn, she’s fine as hell!” [ Cheers and applause ] But if you’re
in the friend zone, you should probably
just get comfortable in there, because transitioning
out of the friend zone is sort of like
hosting the Oscars. You have to wait to be asked,
which could never happen. But if it does,
it could all go away when they find your old tweets. [ Audience ohhs ] For me, the friend zone’s
gotten even more confusing since I started
dating girls, okay? I’ve always been
really into the sisterhood, but sometimes I’ll meet
a girl I want to date and accidentally call her “sis.” Once that happens,
I’ve permanently quarantined myself
in the friend zone. It’s like a receding hairline. As soon as it starts,
there’s no turning back. Sorry, LeBron. [ Audience ohhs ] I’m from Toronto. Go, Rapts. You’re probably thinking,
“No way, Lilly. You’re too smart,
beautiful, and humble to be put in the friend zone.” And thank you. You have
a great judge of character. Thank you.
[ Cheers and applause ] But believe it or not, I’ve had
plenty of guys friend-zone me. I know. They’re crazy. Seriously, I can’t tell you how
many times I get invited over to watch a movie…
[ Clears throat ] …and we actually watch
the whole movie. I’m like, “Dude, I do not care what happens to Charlie
and his stupid factory. I’m trying to get you
to find my golden ticket. Okay? You know what I mean?” [ Cheers and applause ]
The thirst is real!

Author Since: Mar 11, 2019

  1. And basically everything you said was you friend zoning all those around you that are clearly showing they like you 不不

  2. 11 I mean Lilly to be real, youve obviously got a fatty, This can go from the factory to Six flags waterworks. Just tell me when to gooo Dom bon don bon don bon don bon 11

  3. it's simply a woman wanting all the benefits of having a man without any of the responsibilities.
    "can you help me move this heavy stuff and listen to me whine about everything?"

  4. All you people saying that Lilly isn't that funny, I've got one thing to say. Go get a sense of humor! Lilly, you da best!!!

  5. "I donot care about what happens to charlie and his stupid factory, I'm trynna get you to find my golden ticket"

  6. I was waiting for her to say the friendzone isn't real, and men shouldn't expect women to be in a relationship with them because they're being "nice". Would've expected such a monologue from a dude who showers twice a week and not from someone who presents herself as "woke" Major disappointed

  7. Hope Lilly gets all the money she can because this show wont last.Unfunny, cringey, and just straight up trash.

  8. I have seen Lilly hype her self soo many times and fact she is in a talk show …. I mean I guess its not a bad thing right?

  9. After someone pointed out how the audience laughs and claps are fake…. I can't un-notice how exaggerated and unecessary the laughter and claps are.

  10. OMFG! The Cringe is unbearable!!! It just gets more Cringggier every single time. Its like shes decided to head straight into the Cringe! I mean I have no wordsss! To describe the Cringe. Omg!!!!! Aaaahhhhhhhhh 突

  11. What I hate about the term friend zone is the idea that if one of you had just done something differently youd be in a relationship, whereas in reality the likelihood is that person was never going to be attracted to you. Period!

  12. Dear Lilly,

    Thanks for the 117th unfunny reminder that being born straight with a penis automatically makes me a bozo/pervert/loser.

    Here's a tip: Try not clowning men EVERY single opportunity you get. That way we aren't too salty to give you some tips once NBC friend-zones your talk show.

    A Man

  13. Lily you are not funny at all. Stop pretending that people actually laugh at your jokes. I used to have respect for you but now I hate you so much.

  14. Shes smart though. Anyone can do a monologue in from of their friends run a laugh track and interview a couple of celebrities and put it on youtube.

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